Tuesday Afternoon Linebacker

want to watch preseason football, I really do. But for whatever reason I just can’t “in the mood”. Even for the Bucs it’s tough to sit down and watch the games. They look like real football games. But because I know that they don’t mean a thing I just can’t get excited to watch. Lucky for me the college season cranks up in just a few days. And to further whet my appetite, the fantasy draft will be held this Friday. The mighty Thunderers will be introduced in this space next week. Oh yeah, Lawrence Philips is still a violent sonovabitch.

Funny Car Analogy
The hometown Bucs took on the visiting Jacksonville Jag-wires this past weekend in their second preseason collision. This week, Cadillac Williams actually played football, kind of. He carried the ball five times for 13 yards. Most of that coming on three consecutive plays on the first series. Third string signal-caller Luke McCown ended up as the leading rusher for the Bucs.

Word from the game is that Coach is becoming less and less confident with Chris Simms as time goes by. It’s about time this happened. Sure, he had some potential. But that’s what they said at Texas too and all he did there was choke during big games. And even to casual observers, his performance during pre and regular season games has been less that stellar. Hell, it’s been less than mediocre most of the time.

And then there’s the kicking game. Big ups to Luke McCown for getting the team back in the game. But not hitting the game tying 53-yarder is trouble. Granted, that’s not considered automatic. But to win games, kickers need to be able to make those from time to time. But it’s merely preseason.

With The First Selection…
As promised, the patented TALB Fantasy Football Draft Strategy will be presented below. Are you ready for it? Really? It’s kind of mind blowing.

Draft good players.

What? Did you think I’d really reveal my draft strategy? My opponents read this. I’ve said too much in this space before. Though, my most successful year in FF came after Aaron drafted for me, blindly. Go figure.

FSU-CKS
I meant to mention this last week, but couldn’t remember before press time. What is up with you FSU fans this year? You were beaten. Why all the smack talk? On at least four occasions so far I have been, while displaying my allegiance to the mighty Gators, verbally accosted by Semi-nole fans. Told at each encounter how vile, disgusting, and un-American(!?!?!) the Gators are. Each time the fan of Clown College was unable to retort after I reminded them that Ron Zook is 1-0 at Bobby Bowden Field, while Saint Bobby remains winless.

When your team loses a rivalry game, you are doomed to 51 weeks of meekishness and subordination to fans of the winning side. At least that’s how I understand it. You are allowed to crank up your smack beginning the Sunday before this season’s game.

I know plenty of FSU fans who are nice enough people. And they conform to the rules. But otherwise the average Nole fan is simply a whiny little bitch. Sorry, but that’s been my experience. YMMV.

Which isn’t to say we can’t get along. In fact, for those of us on both sides who are rational about things it is more of a sibling relationship. We can get along most of the time, but every now and then we hate each other. And when someone tries to pick on the other one we will rush in to defend them (more on that below).

More Rank Nonsense
The AP released their version of the college football preseason poll this past week. The AP decided they didn’t want to be associated with the BCS nonsense, yet they still participate in this ludicrous exercise in mental masturbation that is the preseason college football poll.

Bert Emanuel?
In other rankings news, the panel for the new BCS Harris Poll has been released. The full list can be found here. The SI article makes mention of names like Terry Bradshaw, Lou Holtz, and Anthony Munoz. Though I found a few others interesting. Local football hero Lee Roy Selmon is a member of the panel. Former SEC commissioner (and architect of the BCS) Roy Kramer will have a vote. And, as alluded to in the title of this section, former Bucs’ receiver Bert Emanuel is also a member. And completing the ex-Buc trifecta Jack Thompson, the “ Throwin’ Samoan“, joins the fray.

Rock You Like A Hurricane
Rivals.com took on the daunting task of ranking the rowdiest college football stadiums in all the land. Oddly, Virginia Tech’s home field came in first. While the real toughest home field, Ben Hill Griffin Stadium at Florida Field, was merely fourth. Joke Shambles came in at the ninth spot. Discuss.

Husker’d
Lawrence Phillips, the man everyone said deserved a second (and third, and fourth…) chance, was booked over the weekend for allegedly running down a group of teenagers. And the car was stolen. And he was already wanted on domestic violence charges. That’s really all I have to say about this.

Running Items
WTF?
TALB descends into the hell of baseball for this week’s edition of WTF. Sports Illustrated recently ranked the 10 worst baseball teams of all time. Notice anything missing? No mention of the Devil Rays. Why do they deserve to be included? The Rays are one of four teams to be added to baseball in the last round of expansion. The other three are the Arizona DiamondBacks, the Florida Marlins, and the Colorado Rockies.
- Marlins: 2 World Series titles, 2 total playoff appearances.
- D’Backs: 1 World Series title, 3 total playoff appearances.
- Rockies: 1 total playoff appearance.
- Devil Rays: Lost more than 100 games twice, 99 once, and are on pace to lose about 95 this year.

Talk about futility. And if nothing else, the lowly Rays deserve to be included in any discussion of the worst teams in baseball. Hell, the should be mentioned when talking about the worst teams in all of professional sports.

Worst. Call. Ever.
Yeah, it is kind of old news, but I couldn’t let the offseason go by without commenting on (oh what the hell) Nicknamegate. Like Addled I find it tough to be on FSU’s side about something. But the NCAA is just being ridiculous. If the name is not a full-on slur (Redskins, Redmen, etc) and the local “affected” group is okay with the name, then let it slide.

Next Week: Fantasy Drafted, College Preview, and whatever other crap I can find…